One man took to Reddit to share a growing conflict with his wife, claiming she’s not contributing enough to their family since giving birth. While he works long hours, she spends much of her time breast pumping—a routine he finds frustrating and unfair.
The man, visibly angry, wrote, “My wife is a SAHM and I work long hours. When I get home, I just want to take a break for a little bit before helping out. Every day, I get back, she immediately throws our baby at me and tells me to watch him while she goes breast pumping and watches Korean drama for like an hour.
I got her one of those portable pumps (Willow, no tubing, fits in the bra) so she’s not stuck in one position while pumping. She says she can’t do chores or baby care because pumping is painful, and she needs to do something she enjoys to distract herself, or else she can’t produce enough milk during that session.”
He admitted he believes his wife is exaggerating the pain and using breast pumping as an excuse.
“I told her I didn’t believe it, and that she was using pumping and milk production as an excuse to take a break and get away for an hour. I don’t mind giving her a break, but I feel like she’s making it up to justify it. She accused me of calling her a liar.”
He went on to describe his grueling schedule:
“When I say long hours, I’m talking 14–18 hours a day, 6 days a week. There are days I only have six hours off between shifts, but instead of sleeping, I have to watch our baby for an hour. That means I only get about five hours of sleep for several nights in a row. I do help out during the week, and we split the rest of the work on my day off.”
Still, the man insisted he wasn’t trying to be cruel—he just doubted her reasoning.
“Let me clarify—if she said, ‘I need a break to go watch drama; you watch him for an hour,’ I wouldn’t have questioned it. She’s always worried about my health, too. Half the nights, she gets up before I do to handle feedings and diaper changes so I can sleep more.
I just wondered if she said that because she felt guilty asking me to give up an hour of sleep, so she made an excuse—or if this is really true, that ‘my milk letdown is low if I’m not fully relaxed and distracted from the pain.’”
People of Reddit delivered more than 2K comments, with everyone wanting to express their opinion.
- One person wrote, “You are so wrong here. Pumping is so hard. It’s painful and if you can’t relax, the milk won’t come.”
- One more user wrote, “Yup milk supply is based on oxytocin and in general, our mood. This is why some moms have to listen to a video of their baby crying, as it triggers letdown.
Pumping is not fun. The machine is sucking and pinching at you (not fun). I get waves of nausea and extreme thirst while pumping. I feel for you and the hours you work, perhaps a nanny for a couple hours a day so that both of you can get more rest.” - Someone emotionally commented, “OP is a gigantic gaping black abyss of a wrongdoer with no understanding of neither women nor breast pumps. And boo-hoo he works 14 hours a day. His wife does 24 h per day, and he begrudges her 1 h of Korean drama cause he doesn’t deem pumping to be work?
I hate pumping so much I’d rather be doing anything but pump so to trick my mind and body to release milk I need to huff my baby’s used PJ’s, look at something that relaxes&distracts me and go into my mindful zen mode and I still need an oxytocin nasal spray to kick off letdown. I also have milk to feed an armada of babies, so the problem isn’t lack of milk, but getting it out.” - One more person shared, “Pumping is NOT fun. It’s uncomfortable/painful, and of course she should get a break otherwise while doing it. Plus you often need to adjust the flanges, settings, massage to help empty the breast etc. It can be an active process to get as much milk as you can.
So basically you’re asking her to do two difficult things simultaneously AFTER watching a baby all day. She’s not a dairy cow, she’s a human being, treat her like one.” - Another user added, “You are wrong, but I understand your predicament. You’re looking at this the wrong way. You aren’t considering that she’s working all day too and her job is just as hard as yours is in a different way. It comes with almost no time off, but for the bits of sleep she can get or that hour you give her when you get home.
She’s a 24-hour-a-day milking machine, and it’s hard work. What you need to do is reach out to family, see if someone can come in and help her out and lighten the load. Hire a nanny or a housekeeper who comes in once or twice a week for a while, ask grandma or grandpa to take the baby for a walk, so mom can rest, etc. Seriously.”
