I’ve (38F) been married to my husband Rob (52M) for 4 years now. My husband’s late wife died a year before we met, and we dated for 2 years before marriage. He has 2 kids, 28-year-old Madison and 26-year-old Brett. Note: I am not calling them my stepkids because they explicitly told me I am not their stepmom, just their dad’s wife. I didn’t play a part in raising them, so I’m okay with that.
It’s always been tense between us. I’ve tried my best to be kind to them and have been generous when I can be, but they are very cold with me. Being a child of divorce, I can partially relate to a parent moving on, so I try not to force anything.
Madison recently got engaged, and we are excited about it. Everyone was over recently, and she asked about a wedding budget from us. Rob told her he was able to contribute 10k. She has bigger hopes for her wedding than this, so she was upset and kept asking for more. Rob, however, is still working hard on building his savings back up.
Before his late wife died, he basically wiped out his cash savings, had to cash out his 401k, and even took a small mortgage on his house to cover medical costs as well as life expenses since he had to cut back on working. Eventually, he had to drop that job for a more flexible but lower-paying one, so this 10k is actually really generous from him.
Rob went to run an errand and it was just me and his kids. Madison then asked me if I was going to give any in addition to what her dad was giving. I told her we were a marital unit and that’s what we discussed together as a reasonable amount to contribute.
She then said, “I should have known, obviously you married an older man for what he had, not for what you could give.” I knew she didn’t like me, but this was the most flat-out rude thing she’s ever said. I kind of lost it and said, “Excuse me, who do you think has been paying the second mortgage your dad took out to pay his debts?”
The truth of the matter is that I make more than her father by a large margin, I have no debt, and I’ve been paying 70% of the household bills the whole time we’ve been married. The 10k we’re giving her is available because I’ve been able to subsidize her father’s living expenses over the last few years. I made it clear that not only am I not a gold digger, but I’m literally wealthier than my “older husband.”
She called me stuck up after this and stormed out. She called her dad later and said that I told her that I blamed her mother for being sick for her not having a better wedding budget. I told him what happened, and he was mad at her, but also said I shouldn’t have shared his financial details with his kids.
