Service Invoice – Amount Due: A Lifetime of Silence
Introducing You to a Gorgeous Woman: 1 permanent block on all platforms
Convincing Her You Were a Gentleman: A deep, personal reflection on why you’re single
Letting You Sit at the Same Table as Her: A formal apology to all women you’ve dated before
Not Exposing You to the Entire Internet: A generous gift you should be grateful for
Payment is due IMMEDIATELY. Failure to comply may result in public humiliation. Cheers!
“This is perfect,” I texted him. “Send it!”
“Forwarded!” He replied a moment later.
Not long afterward, my phone lit up with a series of increasingly angry messages from Eric.
“Wow, really mature.”
“I was just trying to set realistic expectations; not everyone is rich.”
“Chris is a terrible friend.”
“You just missed out on a GREAT guy.”
I didn’t bother engaging. What was there to say to someone who thought human connection worked on a transaction basis? I just sent him a thumbs-up emoji and blocked his number.
Mia called me later that night, still laughing about the whole situation.
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I really thought he was normal. Chris had no idea he was like this either.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, surprising myself with how unbothered I felt. “We all got a great story out of it, at least.”
“True,” she agreed. “This is officially going to be told at every party for the next decade.”
The whole experience left me with one golden rule for dating: If a guy insists on paying, make sure he’s not going to send you an invoice afterward.
The keychain, though? I kept it. Not because it reminded me of Eric, but because it was a hilarious souvenir from the weirdest date of my life.
Source: thecelebritist.com
Note: This story is a work of fiction inspired by real events. Names, characters, and details have been altered. Any resemblance is coincidental. The author and publisher disclaim accuracy, liability, and responsibility for interpretations or reliance. All images are for illustration purposes only.
