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My Parents See Me as an ATM—but This Time I Refuse to Pay

My younger brother has always been spoiled. At first, I thought it was just because he was the baby of the family. But as I got older, I realized it wasn’t just that—it was favoritism.

As an adult, things only got worse. I’m married with two children, yet my parents never contributed to my wedding or helped when I needed support with the kids. My brother, on the other hand, has always been a different story.

For illustrative purposes only (iStockphoto)

When he turned 18, my parents begged me to buy him a car because they couldn’t afford it. I agreed. When he lost his job and couldn’t pay his rent, they asked if he could move in with me. Again, I agreed. I even gave him money whenever he came up short each month.

Then, two years ago, he got married. My parents asked me to cover their share of his wedding costs because they couldn’t afford it but wanted him to have the grand celebration he dreamed of. That time, I said no. I had just given birth to my second child and couldn’t take on extra expenses.

For illustrative purposes only (iStockphoto)

Since then, things have been tense. They keep asking for help, and I’ve learned to weigh the request before deciding. I’ve stepped in a few times, but not nearly as much as before. And every time I say no, my parents make me out to be the worst sister in the world.

Things reached a new low last week. My parents called, asking if I could watch my brother’s baby while he went on a business trip. I asked why his wife couldn’t do it, and they told me she wanted to use the time to visit her family. I refused.

For illustrative purposes only (iStockphoto)

I couldn’t take on his baby just because his wife wanted a holiday. I already had plans with my own kids, and adding another child would be too much. On top of that, my brother never paid me when I watched his child before, so I couldn’t even ask him to cover the expenses.

I told my mother that if my sister-in-law wanted to leave the baby behind, she would need to contribute financially or hire a sitter. My mother immediately offered to cover the cost herself. But I still refused.

I told her my brother needed to learn responsibility and figure out how to handle life without constant help from family. She broke down in tears and begged me to reconsider, but I stood my ground.

For illustrative purposes only (iStockphoto)

A couple of days later, my sister-in-law called. She accused me of trying to ruin my brother’s trip and of “tearing the family apart” because I was “too greedy” to watch my nephew. She said my brother might have to cancel and could even lose his job. I told her she needed to step up and be a better wife and mother.

Now, none of them are speaking to me. My husband thinks I might have been too harsh and wonders if I should reconsider taking the baby in.

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