I (36F) have been divorced from my ex-husband (38M) for four years. We share an eight-year-old daughter, Lily, who primarily lives with me. Our divorce agreement stipulates that he pays $850 a month in child support and gets visitation every other weekend.

Mark—let’s call him that—has always been… difficult. During our marriage, he would spend money on impulsive buys while I was the one managing the budget. That habit hasn’t changed. He remarried last year to Jessica (29F), who seems nice but definitely enjoys a more luxurious lifestyle.

Last month, Mark called me out of the blue asking if we could “work something out” with the child support. Naturally, I assumed something serious had come up—job loss, medical bills, something legitimate.

Instead, he casually told me he wanted to pause his payments for five months so he could fund a lavish European vacation with his new wife.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

On his next visitation weekend, instead of dropping off Lily, I left a large suitcase at his front door. When he opened it, his face drained of color. On top of the items inside was a note that read:

“Since you’d prefer to ‘pause’ being a father for five months to go on vacation, here are five months’ worth of supplies Lily would need. You wanted to skip supporting her, so I figured you’d rather handle these needs directly instead of sending the money.”

Inside the suitcase, I’d packed:

• Five months’ worth of non-perishable groceries

• Toiletries like shampoo, soap, and toothpaste

• School supplies

• Clothes (she’s growing fast)

• Medicine cabinet basics

• Receipts for her dance classes and school activities

• Utility bills (her share)

• A detailed breakdown of her monthly expenses

About ten seconds after opening it, Mark’s expression cycled through five emotions—shock, anger, embarrassment, confusion, and finally guilt. Then my phone started lighting up with calls and texts.

Mark: “Where’s Lily??? What is all this?”
Me: “That’s what your child support pays for. Lily’s at my sister’s for the weekend.”
Mark: “You can’t do this! It’s my visitation time!”
Me: “And it’s your responsibility to support your daughter. You made it clear your vacation was more important.”

He completely lost it, calling me “childish” and “spiteful.” Then Jessica got on the phone, crying about how they’d already paid deposits for hotels in Paris, Rome, and Barcelona.

Later that evening, my sister told me Mark had shown up at her house demanding to see Lily. She refused to let him in.

The next day, I got a series of bank notifications: three months’ worth of child support payments had been deposited all at once. Then a text followed:

“Happy now? Don’t ever keep my daughter from me again.”

My mom said I’d taught him a valuable lesson about parental responsibility. My best friend thought I’d gone too far by using visitation as leverage and said I should’ve just taken him to court. My brother called it “savage but justified.”

So now I’m wondering — was I the bad guy for sending supplies instead of our daughter when he tried to skip his child support payments?